


don’t wanna sit and watch history repeat

by ohallows



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Arguing, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Leadership, heavy discussions about kobolds and the leadership feat, in a way? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24424543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows
Summary: Hamid being embarrassed over the kobolds was funny at the start, but it quickly turned into irritation and confusion on the part of Cel, worry and hesitation on the part of Azu, and Zolf had never found it funny to begin with. Wilde hadn’t been a fan, mostly due to concerns about the mission, although Azu caught him giving all the kobolds concerned looks at times. Even Carter was starting to feel uncomfortable with it, and it seemed Barnes was even less impressed with Hamid than he had been at the start.So, they’d decided to address it. Meet it head-on, as it were. Well. Zolf had decided, first, and then Azu had run the pros and cons of Zolf confronting Hamid alone, and had quickly hopped up to join him.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	don’t wanna sit and watch history repeat

**Author's Note:**

> mixed feelings.
> 
> title from ‘most of us are strangers’ by seafret

The kobolds standing outside Hamid’s door turn and stare at Azu and Zolf warily as they make their way down the hallway toward his room. The ‘guards’ have been told by Hamid, at this point, that everyone in the inn are his friends and don’t need to be defended against, but they still instinctively seem to watch everyone with suspicion, just in case. It’s… a little strange, honestly, but Azu at least appreciates that they’re helping keep Hamid safe. 

“Good afternoon,” she greets, and they simply tilt their head and stare up at her. They have yet to respond when one of them apart from Hamid or, more recently, Cel, speak to them, but Azu wasn’t raised to be rude. 

Their grip shifts uneasily on their spears as Azu and Zolf pass, but they move aside without question or complaint. 

Azu gives Zolf a _look_ as they stand outside Hamid’s door, hand raised to knock. “You need to be _nice_ ,” she says, no room for argument in her tone. This is… a bit of a delicate situation, and if Zolf goes right in guns blazing, they’re going to have an even _worse_ situation on their hands, so she’s getting this directive out of the way now. 

He just gives her an offended look. “I can be _nice,”_ he grumbles, eyebrows pulling together. Azu gives him another look, and he sighs, shoulders relaxing as he unfolds his arms. “Point taken.”

“Thank you,” Azu says, and Zolf rolls his eyes. It’s more fond than anything else, but Azu still flicks him on the shoulder, and knocks on Hamid’s door, steeling herself. 

Hamid being embarrassed over the kobolds was funny at the start, but it quickly turned into irritation and confusion on the part of Cel, worry and hesitation on the part of Azu, and Zolf had never found it funny to begin with. Wilde hadn’t been a fan, mostly due to concerns about the mission, although Azu caught him giving all the kobolds concerned looks at times. Even _Carter_ was starting to feel uncomfortable with it, and it seemed Barnes was even less impressed with Hamid than he had been at the start. 

So, they’d decided to address it. Meet it head-on, as it were. Well. _Zolf_ had decided, first, and then Azu had run the pros and cons of Zolf confronting Hamid alone, and had quickly hopped up to join him. They had enough explosions with Cel around; having Hamid pop (again) because he and Zolf were yelling at each other was a less than ideal option. 

She’d asked Cel if they wanted to come with them, but they’d said in no uncertain terms that they’d had enough emotional conversations for the week and elected to spend the afternoon with Carter and Barnes instead. 

She hears footsteps, quiet, and then the door slides open to reveal Hamid, looking as perfectly put together as he normally does. Azu’s gotten better at noticing, though, and she can see some of the bags under his eyes and the tension in the way he’s holding himself.

“Oh, good afternoon!” he greets, giving them both a smile. He looks slightly surprised to see them there, but welcomes them anyway. One of the kobolds says something in draconic, giving the two of them a suspicious glare, and Hamid responds, clearly reassuring them if the slightly mollified look on their face is anything to go by. He steps away from the entrance and sweeps his arm out in invitation. “Would you like to come in?”

“Yes, thank you,” Azu says, and she and Zolf go inside while Hamid slides the door shut behind them. 

“Would you like some tea?” he asks, already going and getting a small kettle ready. 

“Please,” Azu says, and then nudges Zolf gently when he doesn’t say anything. 

He coughs, and then nods. “Yeah, er - sure. Thanks.”

“Coming right up,” Hamid says, brightly, but there’s a strained undercurrent in his voice, one he’s clearly trying to hide. He starts busying himself with the tea, mugs clinking together as he waits for the water to boil.

There’s a moment of an awkward silence while Azu and Zolf exchange looks. She’s trying to get him to speak first, but _also_ trying to get him to be _nice_ about it, and she’s not sure how much of that comes across from a simple gaze. Zolf seems to be wanting _her_ to talk first, but this entire thing was Zolf’s idea _anyways,_ so Azu keeps tilting her head toward Hamid to mean that he should speak up first. They go back and forth like this all while the tea is boiling, and Zolf finally capitulates, looking for all the world like he’s sucking on the sourest lemon. Azu doesn’t let up, though. This _was_ his idea. 

“So, the kobolds just guard your door, do they?” Zolf says, trying and failing to sound neutral, and Azu can’t hide her wince. Hamid almost immediately stiffens, shoulders tightening for half a second before relaxing, and then he turns around, holding their tea. He looks… normal, a smile plastered on his face, but Azu can see the defensiveness already curling around him like a shield. 

“I mean… I didn't _ask_ them to. I just woke up one morning and they were there,” Hamid says, sounding a bit like he’s on the wrong footing here, but not sure why. “Tea?” 

He offers them the tray, and Azu reaches over to take her own. It’s the biggest mug on the tray, fitting comfortably into her own hands, and she kneels on the small mat in the room, holding it as it slowly warms her skin. Zolf follows suit, sitting a bit more awkwardly as he manages his legs, and Hamid is the last to sit, taking small sips of the tea as steam curls off the top.

There’s a tension in the air, between all three of them, and Azu isn’t sure if Zolf or Hamid is going to be the one to break it first. 

“Thank you,” she says, deciding to try and make this a normal conversation as much as possible, and takes a sip. “It’s delicious.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Hamid says, with a soft smile, but he’s muted in a way that Azu isn’t used to.

They all drink their tea in silence, for a while, the tension in the room getting less charged and more, well, awkward. Azu can feel it settling around her shoulders, and she looks between Hamid and Zolf, who are steadfastly not looking at each other. 

The clock ticks, on the wall, one of the few sounds in the room, and time seems to stretch, minutes passing in the form of days as Azu tries to think of any way to not make the situation worse.

It doesn’t come quickly enough, it seems. Zolf finishes his tea and sets the cup down before he rises, pacing the length of the room, and Azu can see him turning thoughts over in his mind, clearly on the verge of trying to speak and then rethinking it. 

“Zolf,” Hamid finally says, and sets his own mug of tea onto the table in between them as he stands as well. Azu can feel her heart sinking, because this is _already_ not going the way she hoped, and she takes a long drink of the tea, thinking that maybe it will pass if she just ignores it. “If you have something to say -“

“Why don’t you seem that bothered by this?” Zolf asks, and Hamid blinks once, twice, before shaking his head.

“Bothered by _what?”_ he asks, and Zolf points at the door.

“This! _All_ of this! This… subservience! The way they just. Refuse to leave your side for a _second._ And after _everything_ they’ve been through, the fact that they…” Zolf trails off, hands moving in a complicated motion as though that will help get his thoughts more in order. “They just follow your every word, without a single question.”

Hamid crosses his arms. “They _don’t._ Not every word.”

“Gods above - that _nuance_ is decidedly not the point,” Zolf says, exasperated, and Azu takes another sip of her drink. “I mean - okay, look, I get that it might be in their _nature_ or whatever, at least that’s what Skraak thinks, but do you really think they’re _choosing_ this?”

“Well, Skraak also told them they didn’t have to, and they _still_ came, so I don’t think it’s fair to say that it isn’t,” Hamid says, stubborn to the core, and Zolf just shakes his head. “I don’t _like_ that they’re following me around! I didn’t ask them to do it, they just… they just showed up. We were in the cell, even, I had no idea any of this would happen.”

Zolf sighs, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

“Hamid - you didn’t _do_ anything about it, though,” he says, and Hamid bristles.

“There wasn’t much I _could_ do,” he retorts, and Zolf shrugs. 

“Tried telling them to leave? Tried leaving without them? Tried, dunno, anything except asking Skraak what you should do?”

“That’s _not_ fair.” Hamid says. “I’m trying to defer to Skraak because I don’t know _what_ to do, Zolf, I’m not - I’m not trying to ignore my own responsibility here, but I don’t… I’m just trying to do my best, here, and he seems to know what’s going on more than I do!”

“Okay, fine. Fine. Then let’s talk about this. The second Skraak came back, you suggested putting them in a _cage_ with _you._ No offense, but he doesn’t even seem to _like_ you much,” Zolf says, raising his voice, and Hamid takes a step back, crossing his arms. 

“You’re the one who _pulled him into the cell_ without explaining anything,” Hamid retorts. 

“Yeah, I did! Because, like you might have realised, this is not a situation where we can _leave things up to chance._ Maybe I shouldn’t have grabbed them. But guess what - I wasn’t about to _risk_ the safety of the entire country just because he didn’t want me grabbing him.”

“I _recognise_ that, that’s why I suggested we keep him in the cage until we could _explain,”_ Hamid says, and Zolf pauses, staring almost dumbfounded at Hamid. 

“You remember what they came from, right? What they _just_ went through?” he asks, and Hamid flushes scarlet. Azu winces, but Zolf… isn’t wrong, and the suggestion had made her incredibly uncomfortable at the time as well. 

“I didn’t know how else to calm him down!” Hamid says, but he doesn’t look as sure as he should. “I -“

“It wasn’t helpful!”

“Gods, this is what I’m _saying_ , Zolf, you _always -!”_

“Not every criticism of your actions is a direct attack against -!”

“Zolf, that’s not -“ Azu tries, but neither of them are listening to her, anymore. 

“You need to learn how to take advice instead of being _defensive_ all the time -“

“Maybe if it wasn’t _endlessly_ critical I would be better at it!”

“Hamid, you still have a responsibility to -“ Azu just wants to get a single word in edgewise, but now Zolf and Hamid are nearly nose to nose, fuming at each other, and she stares at the ceiling, wondering what else she expected. 

“Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to make you _feel bad_ for being their _dragon messiah -“_

 _“_ That’s _not_ what I _-“_

“Gentlemen!” Azu cuts in between them, holding out a hand in front of both of them. “This isn’t. _Helping_.”

Zolf still looks angry, but there’s a slight hint of shame and acknowledgment that she’s right in

the curve of his mouth. Azu knows she won’t be the first to back down, and it’s not long before he sighs, heavily, and then turns around.

“Fine,” he says, short and irritated. “Gonna go talk to Wilde.”

“Thank you,” Azu says, softly, and Zolf’s shoulders tense for a moment before relaxing. He pulls the door open and leaves, but every line in his body is still upset and angry, and Azu’s hoping that Wilde can at least talk him down from it. Zolf’s been doing _better_ with the anger, recently; Azu’s seen how hard he’s trying, how much he’s been struggling to hold everything together. But sometimes it still gets to much, drags his mind down farther into the black abyss, and he’s been trying to separate himself from the situation, when that happens. She’s proud of him. 

But right now, talking to Hamid is… more important. Wilde or Barnes can help Zolf, this time. She turns as the door closes, facing Hamid once more, and he surreptitiously wipes at the corners of his eyes. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, sitting down on the couch and pulling his legs up. He wraps his arms around his knees and rests his head on top, staring off into a corner of the room. “He just - this always _happens,_ it seems, he just flies off the handle and I don’t know how to _handle_ it.”

“You both…” Azu trails off, biting her lip when Hamid casts her an almost betrayed look. “No, I know, just… listen?”

Hamid sits back, still looking a bit betrayed, but doesn’t say anything else.

“You both get very passionate,” she says, instead of anything else. “About your opinions.”

“...Yeah,” Hamid mutters. “We always have.”

“I think you both need to still get a little bit better at listening, sometimes. At… respecting the other’s opinion before disagreeing? I think it would help, at least a little bit.”

Hamid doesn’t say anything, at that, but he does dab at the corners of his eyes again. He sniffles, and Azu sits down next to him, wrapping an arm around him. He leans into her, head resting against her shoulder. 

“Zolf is right, you know,” Azu says, and Hamid tenses against her, mouth already opening to protest. “He doesn’t say it in the nicest way. But he is right. And you said you would listen.”

“... Fine,” Hamid says, and settles back against her, an unhappy curve to his mouth, eyes downcast. Azu knows he doesn’t want to hear it - she nearly always takes his side in matters, against Zolf or anyone else, but she thinks Hamid _needs_ to hear this, if anything is going to improve, either with the kobolds or with Zolf. 

“I think…” Azu starts, pausing as she considers what she wants to say. “I know you don’t mean to be malicious. Your intentions are always good. But they don’t always… come off the way you may think they do. I know that you are just trying to be respectful, by speaking with Skraak about the situation -”

“I mean, what else am I supposed to do _?”_ Hamid asks, cutting her off. “Skraak said that it wouldn’t last long, probably, but I can’t just… stop them from doing it.”

“Have you tried?” Azu asks in return, and Hamid stops, falling silent. 

“I - I think -“

Azu shakes her head. “You haven’t.”

“I didn’t _ask them_ -“

“I know,” Azu says, tone as comforting as she can make it, and Hamid’s mouth snaps shut as he stares off into the corner of the room. “I don’t blame you for their actions, Hamid, but you could be… There’s more you could be doing to _offset_ this behavior.”

Hamid frowns, folding his arms, and Azu reaches her hand out, resting her hand on his shoulder until he turns to look at her. “Like _what?”_ he asks.

“Asking them to stop? Speaking directly with Skraak to see how long this is going to take? They still seem _scared_ of you, Hamid. That’s not… a healthy basis for a true relationship to build off of, and it’s not fair to _them._

“You’ve… told me about Gideon, before, and how he treated you,” Azu says, and Hamid nods, albeit with a bit of shame as his shoulders droop. “He was… awful,” Hamid says. Azu knows that he regrets how long it took for him to come to terms with how cruel Gideon was, and that he still carries the guilt around on his shoulders for what he and Gideon did. “I don’t - wait, Azu, am I acting like him? Honestly?”

“No, no. I am not comparing you to him. He sounds like… a vile human being who only wanted to cause harm, and didn’t care who got caught in the middle of it,” Azu immediately reassures, because that’s the last thing she wants him to think. “But… do you remember how you told me that you didn’t know how to stand up to him? That it was… easier, for you, to go along with what he said and did instead?”

Hamid nods, sniffling again, and Azu tightens her grip around his shoulders. “Yes, he - he didn’t like people who didn’t go along with what he wanted. It just felt… safer. I suppose.”

“Okay. So you remember how that felt?” she asks, and Hamid nods again. “That… almost seems to be how the kobolds feel. I’m not saying you’re like Gideon,” she adds quickly, as Hamid opens his mouth to protest, “but from _their_ side of things… do you understand how they might be feeling? How… they may be deferential because it’s safer, in their eyes. They aren’t scared because you _have_ mistreated them, but because they’re worried you _will_.”

Hamid looks completely shocked, and his eyes are as wide as saucers when he turns to look at Azu. “I would _never_ do that!” he cries, shaking his head, and Azu gives him a weak smile.

“Intentionally, no. But they may still remember how you cast Fireball, back at the institute, and that’s not something they are just able to get over. I’m sure Skraak has told them, and he seems to be the only one who isn’t just obstinately refusing to leave your side. And they’re… _traumatised._ Years of being drugged and experimented on by Shoin cannot have left a positive mark.”

Hamid falls silent, staring down at his hands. “I - I think I know what you mean, er - I guess I never really… considered that, before? That that might still be affecting them. Not the Shoin thing, obviously, I’m not _that_ naive, but. I know I still need to redeem myself for casting Fireball, but I suppose I assumed that they… knew that I didn’t want to? I’m - I’m absolutely not expecting forgiveness for it, not yet, but I guess I assumed that they’d… understood?”

“Just because you didn’t want to do something doesn’t mean you are automatically absolved of making that decision, Hamid,” Azu says, frowning. “And I don’t think that… assuming they understand is a realistic expectation to have.”

“I _didn’t_ want to do it,” Hamid says, quietly, and she can see a tear sliding down his cheek. “We didn’t have a choice.”

Azu shakes her head. “You always have a choice. Even if it is sometimes easier to say that you don’t.” A bit of shame trickles along her own neck, and that, hearing an echo of her brother’s voice in her head. “What matters is how you choose to address it. How you… handle it.

Hamid swallows, heavily, and presses further into her side. “I’ve made some… bad choices, Azu,” he chokes out. 

“I don’t want to analyse every decision you’ve ever made, Hamid,” Azu says, cutting it off at the pass, and leans away so that she can turn to face him. “I just want to speak about the kobolds, really. The way they’re acting - Hamid, you have to realise it isn’t healthy. It isn’t… they aren’t able to really choose, if Skraak is right. And if he’s _not,_ and they are choosing this… it’s up to you to make them not afraid. However that looks.”

“I’m trying,” Hamid says, looking conflicted. “But everything is so _hard_ right now, and I don’t know how to get them to trust me.”

“Leadership isn’t meant to be _easy,_ Hamid. It’s meant to take work. There’s no way to… _fast track_ leadership. You need to put in the effort _beforehand._ It’s not meant to be a… reward for something you haven’t _done_ yet.” 

“I understand that, I _do,_ promise, but…” Hamid trails off, and turns to face her as well, crossing his legs as he does so. “They’re already here. I can’t - what can I do to be worthy of that? How can I show that I deserve it?”

“Prove that their trust in you is earned. That they _can_ look up to you as a leader. Being hesitant is good, it shows that you don’t want to make a mistake. But, Hamid… It may just take time,” Azu says. “And effort, on your part more than theirs, before they can truly trust you. But, and I need you to understand this, if this… devotion they have to you is going to continue, it cannot be one-sided. You need to help _them_ as well. This isn’t simply them as your… cohort and you as their protector. You need to actively treat them as individuals and understand them.”

“Of course I will, I - I’m _trying_ to,” Hamid says, worrying at his bottom lip. “I’m - I’m terrified I’m going to mess this up, somehow.”

“You _might,”_ Azu says, because she isn’t going to lie to him. “But you can’t let… your fear of failing get in the way of trying to change things. Of being better. And I think you need to trust _us,_ too. Zolf won’t hesitate to let you know when you’ve made a mistake, and although it may feel unfair, I think you… need some of that. And me and Cel will do our best to help as well. You aren’t _alone_ in this, Hamid. You can ask us for help.”

A tear slips down Hamid’s face and he sniffs, wiping it away. “I know that, I do, I suppose I - I guess I just felt like anything I did was _wrong,_ but… thank you, Azu, I - I know Zolf was trying to help as well, and I know he doesn’t like this, but I am grateful for you two for talking to me about it. I think I needed to hear it as well.”

“I am proud of you, Hamid, and I don’t think there are any easy solutions to this,” Azu admits, because she’s turned this over in her head so many times now and still not come to any sort of definite conclusion. “I think the only thing I can ask - the only thing _we_ can ask - is that you continue to try. Continue to do what you _can.”_

Hamid nods at that, but doesn’t say anything else for a moment as he thinks it over. “Azu, do you think I’m a bad person?” he finally asks, playing with a thread on his shirt, and Azu shakes her head quickly.

“Not - no, not at _all_ , Hamid,” she says. “You’re no better or worse than any of us are. We’re all just striving to be the best person we can be. It doesn’t make you bad if you make a mistake, as long as you don’t try to hide from it or ignore it.”

“I’ll try to do better,” Hamid says, sounding determined. “I’m - I might still slip up, but. I’m going to try.”

“That’s all any of us can do,” Azu says. She pulls Hamid into a hug, his forehead resting against her collarbone. 

“Do I have to apologise to Zolf?” he says, sounding only slightly put out, and Azu laughs, finally, as the tension in the room completely fades away.

“It wouldn’t hurt. And he can apologise to you, too,” she says, and makes a note to go check on Zolf herself after this. Wilde should have been able to talk him down, and if Wilde couldn’t, Barnes would have, but Azu still wants to make sure for herself. 

It’s not… a perfect solution, and she’s still uncomfortable with the level of blind devotion the kobolds seem to have toward Hamid. But this is a _start_ , and it’s _something,_ and she (and hopefully Zolf and Cel) can be happy with this for the time being. 

**Author's Note:**

> tl;dr got mad. wrote a fic about it. genuinely more confused abt why the decision was made more than anything else so… maybe im taking it out too much on hamid but. oh well. “polite tyrant” hhhhhhh. i’m just. not to rant in the authors notes of my fic but the entire narrative of “oh this is a fully sentient race who just wants to be subservient to ‘the biggest dragon’” rubs me All The Wrong Ways and i really REALLY hope i have to eat my words on this one! but until then! here! also i’m going w skraak as he/they 
> 
> thinks about skraak calling them saviours and zolf and azu immediately being disgusted by it. WHERES THAT ENERGY HAMID. i have more to say on this topic i just can’t say it *nicely* so i’m marking this as complete and moving on to let it play out.t


End file.
